Honesty and the Disabled Community

Meanness, tolerance, honesty and the reality show era.

I’ve been watching Britain’s Top Missing Model. It is a search for a fashion model with a disability. When my mom’s in the room, she can’t believe how mean they are to the women. My first response was this is a competition, the Disabled Community wants to be treated real. But as I watched week after week my stance was this was reality TV. Reality TV is mean across the board. These girls had to have known that, yet they signed up anyways.

I think TV got mean thanks to Seinfeld. I remember watching back then and being shocked. Now I’m so accustomed to it, I deny it when my mother points it out to me.

As far as the reality TV craze goes, I’ve only watched the first season of Survivor. I might watch bits and pieces of a reality show, but I’m never intrigued enough to watch the whole season. Maybe subconsciously all that meanness turns me off?

I have however really gotten into The Biggest Loser. I was surprised to find myself watching it every week. So I started thinking about why I liked it. I was far from being overweight, I knew nobody on the show. What was it? My guy Brian, a big Survivor fan pointed it out to me.
You like that show because they aren’t mean to each other.

I’ll be damn, he was right. The gym coaches may sound mean, but it’s because they want to see that person become healthy. When it comes down to voting people off, it seems people genuinely don’t want them to leave.

These reality shows pride themselves on being honest. Contestants will run their mouth off behind somebody’s back, or even more often, in their face.
Oh I’m just being honest!
Sure it makes for good TV but at this rate after years and years of reality shows, the behavior probably is sinking into all of us by now.

With no boundaries set, are people becoming meaner to one another?
I’m not saying this TVs fault. But how did we get from being kind to our neighbors to this?
Mom blames the Baby Boomer generation. They wanted freedom, no rules, don’t let the man tell you what to do. etc., so they raised their kids like that too.

So now present day: My disability advocacy group is trying to get disability rights and awareness taught in schools.

A few people I’ve come across on chat boards make it seem teaching tolerance is the same as teaching religion in schools.
I can teach my kid that at home.
Well obviously you’re not. Bullying has grown out of control. Teachers don’t want to step in. They're most likely scared of the kids getting physical. Or think think it's not their problem, they're there to teach.
The buck stops where? I want to know.

Where have the boundaries gone? Is there a correct way to treat a person anymore?
There is a difference between being honest and being mean isn’t there?

The disabled community wants to be treated fairly. This means being honest. People are afraid to be honest towards people with disabilities. One reason it makes it so hard to be honest towards people with disabilities, is the abled-bodied population knows NOTHING about the Disabled Community. This has to end if the disabled community wants to reach the goal of equality.
(although, I expect to be given my rights, with no understanding of my disability)

Spoiler alert...
Ex. In Britain’s Top Missing Model the girl that got voted of this week was displaying a bit too much sexual flirtation with one of the male judges. She had a brain injury. I’ve been in rehabs and have noticed that these people tend to have sexually inappropriate behavior. I’m no expert, so I couldn’t explain why that is but it’s definitely a characteristic.
Did the judge take this into consideration? No, because he did not know enough about her disability.
The girls are in the show BECAUSE of their disabilities, but when it’s time to vote it could be because of their disability that they get thrown off. (it’s interesting to me)

The judge was only being honest. That behavior isn’t professional, she couldn’t act like that if she was a real model. But it seemed to me her disability caused that behavior.
She was told plenty times to stop being so flirtatious during the series. She was warned. So I think the judge made the right decision.
A fight broke out between both male judges. The other thought he was being too hard on her. I felt he was only being honest.

It’s a strange phenomenon. How all of us can tackle the problem, I’m not sure.

Where how does the Disabled Community fit in, in today’s world of brutal honesty and low tolerance?
And
Why are the Disabled Community continually held to the same standards as the abled-bodied population, when we are different? Is there room for 'different' in Society?


UPDATE: 12/7/10
BBCamerica just finished airing the series. The girl that won was given the chance to be picked by a major modeling agency. During the decision to take her on, two things stuck out to me. (Her disability was that she was missing part of her arm) I heard a comment like; if she was abled-bodied and came off the street asking us to represent her I don’t think we would.
They ended up signing her.
Now why did they? According to that comment I thought for sure they wouldn’t pick her up.
I heard another comment; we’ll give her a chance.
Why don’t more employers have that attitude? Or was it because they were on TV and didn’t want to look bad?

If women ruled the world

I feel most women will stab another woman in the back in second. Women get in each other’s way before we’ll help each other. That’s the main reason I think women haven’t taken control of the modern world.

It’s a different atmosphere in a room full of women. I find myself on alert or uptight if I’m surrounded by other women. As if they might use anything I do and say against me at some point later down the road. (I feel like that because I’ve experienced or saw a ‘back stabbing’)
I find am able to be myself in a room full of guys though.
But maybe that’s just me.
I just feel like guys couldn’t careless and that takes the pressure off.

Yes, men can also betray but women will do it on a more personal level.
Some women are very critical of other women to the point of being counter productive to the women’s movement.

However, at times it seems like the women’s movement in the Sixties never happened at all.
There's still a stereotype that women need to be married with children to be fulfilled.
Can women have it all? Can she be wife, mother and have a career? Some women say yes and appear to be great at it. In my opinion, there are not enough hours in the day and one of the three will be neglected.
There's no pressure on men to be best at all three simultaneously. It's a double standard that I think will never change.

Another reason women may not rule is because men are physically stronger than women. It definitely started out that way in the caveman days and it was built upon throughout the years. But we've slowly seen a change in females/society in our modern world.

I think women do have some ‘softer’ qualities to mooze people in any environment. Or manipulate, whatever you want to call it.
Women’s problem solving skills are different than men. When making decisions, some men tend to live in the moment, whereas women think about the future. That’s one example of why I think women’s problem solving skills are better.

Men see things more black and white or cut and dry. When they have an argument it seems they really do put it behind them and move on. When the ladies argue it's all different shades of emotion being felt. Some ladies are grudge holders and let old issues color their judgment.

So, if women ruled the planet would it be better?
I dunno, given what I’ve said I’m not sure but it would definitely be different.

I do think if women ruled we would war just as much as we do now. The wars may be conducted differently or be about different issues than what we war about now.

I disagree with people who say men and women aren’t different. We are WAY different...the way we communicate, problem solve, grieve. But I believe men and women are different because we’re supposed to balance one another out. On the other hand, it’s aggravating as hell sometimes to live together because we’re so different. (I say from personal experience. Hehehe.) I don’t understand how anybody who has been in a long-term relationship can say the sexes are the same.

Would we have peace if women controlled the planet?
I think we all want peace, but when push comes to shove it’s extremely difficult to achieve and maintain. Every species wars, we just have guns and bombs. The warring gene or whatever you want to call it, is in every creature’s make up on the planet. We, the most evolved species has the will to fight the warring urge and problem solve in a non-violent way. Do we do overcome the urge? Yes, but not nearly enough.

ARTICLE: Think like a man -- and reap the rewards HERE

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My feelings toward Religion at this point in my life

What religion is to me is: love, hope and fellowship. All the other things wrapped in religion, I have no use for. I’ve been to many types of churches when I was younger. Baptist, Mennonite, Methodist. So I’m not a stranger to religion. I feel I’m spiritual, but I don’t go to church. There’s a church out there for everybody they say. But I haven’t found mine yet and I don’t think I ever will.

It’s just I don’t like how people take religion and run with it to fit their needs or fears. Or use it to manipulate or judge. I do believe religion can be a beautiful thing too. It gives hope and teaches love. It also brings people together and helps the less fortunate.

(I’m disabled) On one than one occasion a religious nut has come up to me and told me to my face all loud so everybody can hear, Jesus can cure you! As if! I’m fine the way I am. It’s you that has a problem. God made me the way he wanted me to be. …is what I say back to them. I know these people are extremist and every religious person doesn’t feel like that towards me. Yet I can’t help feel turned off to religion when this happens.

For example, take the book The Shack or watch the movie Religulous. Those two things are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum but they perfectly describe how I feel about religion in this point in my life.

I’m don’t have any problems with people sharing things of a religious nature with me. I’m opened minded. I just want it to be a two-way street. I want All religions are based on belief - not fact.. so matter if it's the most common and respected religion or the least, silliest sounding religion.. they're all one in the same as they are based on things you can not prove. Whether aliens bringing humans to earth or resurrection.. it's all irrational, illogical but believed by many as "faith" and "belief". --- a number of people, including me were talking about religion on a chat board. I didn't make this comment but I totally agree with it. (2011)

I think we have to be flexible. Any belief system that is inflexible, closed off to other belief systems, is profoundly unhealthy. I also think that if you look at life as a long line of evolutionary changes that started billions of years ago, from little things crawling in the mud, and the you realize where we’ve got to now, that is a remarkable set of circumstances. There is more magic in that, for me, than someone creating the planet in six days and taking a day off. When you realize how long humanity has taken to get to this point, it makes you respect another person’s life in a deeper and broader sense. I wouldn’t think of killing anybody because their lineage goes back to the primordial seas, not because there’s some eye in the sky, looking out for how many commandments you’re going to break. --- Eddie Vedder 2009 Uncut Magazine


3/26/18

Aside from all the celebration of 20 years of love, my favorite part of the weekend was hearing the sound of Mama Melea's voice in my house. And watching two people network / compare notes to learn from each others experiences, hopefully to ultimately improve their lives. Watching that filled my heart with joy.

~ That second part there .... THAT IS WHERE IT'S AT FOR ME. That's what inspires me and keeps me fulfilled. ~

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Price of Concert Tickets

To read 'Inside Ticketmaster's Empire' - July 09 Rolling Stone Magazine Article CLICK HERE


It’s kinda like global warming. Some people believe it’s happening, some don’t
Some people think ticket prices are fine, some don’t.

I say the consumer has the power. Consumers need to come together and boycott high price shows.
Damn those Eagles... it all started with them.
In the last ten years prices have about doubled.
There's other ways for a band to make money other then playing live for only the rich.
Look at the all the awesome box sets bands are coming out with or charging for meet and greets. Bands can get creative with money making without raising ticket prices. Anyway, nowdays bands don’t make that much touring anyways....it all goes to the venue and TM.

It’s sad when you can’t afford to buy a ticket to your favorite band. ...A band that you have spent money on by buying their every album release. It’s sad and wrong.
Prices keep getting higher. Who’s to say they won’t stop getting higher? TM is taking advantage. Call it capitalism or whatever, but it’s just plain wrong to me.

I mean I just looked up two lawn tickets to a show I semi wanted to go to. Freggin $70! For lawn tickets! To me, two lawn tickets should be $45 tops.

If we don’t flex some consumer muscle somehow, ticket prices are only gonna go higher. But it seems to me people think they don’t have any power (which is wrong, I think they do) or they don’t give a shit.

Soon concerts will become an elitist activity. It’s going to blow. No average Joe Schmo will able to afford tickets. It’s going to be nothing but rich snobs at shows. Doesn’t sound like fun to me.

Bands can set whatever price they like. I guess. I don’t know really who’s setting the prices, TM or bands.
But if it’s indeed the band, are they aware when setting prices they maybe alienating a part of their fan base and do they care?
Do some think it’s okay for their favorite band to charge outrageous prices knowing the fans will ALWAYS buy and it’s totally ok to them? There’ll be no limit if bands have the upper hand.

Maxing out your credit card isn’t the answer either. Work for what you want, sure. But I’m also not going to sell my first born for a band that I’ve been buying their cds faithfully for years just to see them live. I’ve been buying your music for years, but I can’t afford to see you live. That’s messed up.

In my opinion the ‘if they’re overpriced, they wouldn’t sell’ thing doesn’t apply to concert tickets. Concerts are more an emotional purchase. It’s not the same as buying milk etc. People may be unrational about tickets because it’s their favorite band. Just look at what the Eagles did. They were overpriced (especially at that time) and people still snapped up tickets. Maybe that’s why people aren’t flexing consumer muscle.

I will say there're concerts I'm somewhat interested in and I don't go because it's out of my range. Just think of all those non-diehard fans/tickets they can sell if they lowered prices. But I guess for every non-diehard fan there's a diehard willing to fork out the dough.

If you’re not willing to buy, the concert must not be ‘worth it to you' some say.
I had really wanted to see Clapton when he came down. I AM a big fan and his music DOES mean a lot to me. But at the price they charged, I couldn't go. So the 'worth it' theory is BS to me. It made me sick...Clapton has money he's been doing this all his life, WTF? Why can't average Joe Schmo afford a ticket? I’m not any less of a fan if I don’t put myself into debt to see a live show.

10.11.11

Humans are some strange creatures! I recently stumbled across a research study that shows if a person was told the wine they were drinking was expensive they would enjoy it more, even if it was a lie and they were drinking cheap wine. HERE

"Changes in the price of a product can influence neural computations associated with experienced pleasantness"

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Wicked the Musical and Disability

5/26/09

~Spoiler Alert!~

I took my mother to see Wicked for her Birthday and Mother’s Day. It was fabulous! I loved it! There were many times where disability issues were brought up. I wonder if the writer has anybody close to them with a disability? I’m not sure if the writers intended to touch on disability issues. This is only my interpretation.

When the Wicked Witch of the West was born it was a tragic time in the musical. They sang a song along the lines of Nobody Wants a Wicked. Here was this green baby that had just been delivered being carried around on stage as this thing. All were saddened the baby was green. It seemed nobody wanted her. I asked my mother later if that scene had bothered her. I had a feeling it did and I was right.

I didn’t mean to draw up bad memories for my mom. But the story of the Wicked is some ways parallels my life and I really identified with it. Wicked astonished everybody with what she could do. People have sometimes underestimated me too. So even though what started out as a tragedy, turned out as a wonderful surprise for all.

In the musical the Wicked Witch had a twin sister with a disability. Somehow, because she was green it had done damage to her sister in the womb. She had this elaborate manual wheelchair, which I thought was pretty snazzy!

The Wicked Witch had thought her father hated her for causing her sister’s disability. I sometimes feel guilty by making life more difficult for my loved ones too. She also had guilt towards her sister’s disability. She felt like she had to be at her sisters side at all times. The dimension of guilt also reminded me of my life. My parents and my brother probably sometimes feel guilty. It’s only natural I believe, but how you handle the guilt is what matters.

Glinda the Good Witch pitied the sister with a disability so much; she manipulated a Munchkin boy to take her to the school dance. Or not so much pitied, but wanted to do a good deed. The sister with a disability had thought the guy had just been interested in her. She didn’t know he was only doing it as a favor to Glinda. THAT reminded me of my Senior Prom. My Physical Therapist’s son took me. Only I had no delusions. I knew it was a sweet gesture and nothing more.

The Munchkin stayed with her much longer than the dance. He turned into a type of servant for the sister with a disability. That also struck a cord with me. I have tried my best not to let my significant other to become my personal care aide. When I see it happen with couples I get a little angry. Don’t let your mate become a 24/7 aide! That’s a sure fire way to kill your relationship.

The last time the musical struck me as disability related is when the Wicked Witch came back after many years and wanted to do something good for her sister. She finally had the idea to cure her disability with her magical powers! Only in Oz! I enjoyed seeing the sister rise up out of the wheelchair and take her first steps. But it bothered me when the sister was ungrateful. Her sister had cured her and it still wasn’t enough. I hope I’m not seen as some unpleaseable person with always a gripe to complain about.

In all I take away the hopefulness in the story. The Wicked Witch found her way through life despite being different. She fell in love and got her man in the end. There were many who loved her. She was not alone.

The Lack of Progression by the Disabled Community

A. Diversity of Disabilities
B. Utilization of the Americans with Disabilities Act and other Programs
C. Communication and Networking within the Disabled Community
D. Social Grouping and Upbringing
E. Understanding Vs. Respect



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We who love democracy must stop being spectators and start being leaders.
- Justin Dart, Father of the ADA



Let's see action
Let's see people
Let's see freedom
Let's see who cares
- The Who
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Often when I’m faced with a barrier due to my disability I ask myself why am I having such a difficult time? I’m not the first person with a disability. People with disabilities have been around since the beginning of mankind.

As I read Tom Brokaw’s book Boom! Voices of the Sixties, part of the answer slowly came into focus. In his book he writes a brief summary of how groups organized themselves to fight for their rights, African Americans and Women etc. These people became enlightened and pushed forward in the time of the Sixties. There was a group Tom forgot to mention though, people with disabilities. I’m sure there were many in the fight for rights in the Disabled Community, but two names that come to mind are Ed Roberts and Justin Dart. I was also inspired to write by a few chat discussions on an online website, Disaboom.




A. Diversity of Disabilities

I believe the reason the Disabled Community is not as strongly united as it could be is that the group is large. There’re over 50 million people with disabilities in the USA as of 2008. The Disabled Community certainly has power by numbers, but the problem is that the range of disabilities is too wide. Every disability is different and each person has different needs. It’s hard to state a creed to cover it all when the range of disabilities is so wide, even though I believe people with disabilities can agree on a few things. For example; Equal access to public buildings, equal job opportunities and public transportation access. I’ve heard an interesting thought about the Disabled Community from somebody that was alive during the Sixties. On the Disaboom.com chat board somebody mentioned in the past when the fight was new, the focus was to tackle the big issues. Now, a person with a disability may be only inclined to advocate if a barrier pertains strictly to them. That isn’t productive. I urge the Disabled Community to come together and decide on a basic idea of what they want to accomplish, so their fight can be more unified.

The range of certain types of disabilities is too vast and complex to list. One person can have multiple disabilities. Some disabilities are so mild they can go undiagnosed. Or a person with a disability can be misdiagnosed. There are a large number of people, who’s disability is so mild it’s not noticed at all. It’s all very complicated and I believe it plays a factor on the unity of the Disabled Community. Some people may be so mentally disabled their voice is not or cannot be heard. This group of people with severe mental disabilities may be lucky to have another person or family member to be their advocate. I often wonder as I’m writing my disability advocacy letters when I face a barrier, who speaks up for the huge group that can’t speak at all? The Disabled Community is large, but how many are secluded behind an invisible wall because they can’t communicate? Is this group a weak link in the chain? How can people with severe mental disabilities become more empowered?


B. Utilization of the Americans with Disabilities Act and other Programs

When George H. Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) into law in 1990 he said, “Let the shameful wall of exclusion finally come tumbling down.” I gathered from the tone of his speech, that the ADA wasn’t the solution to all of the Disabled Community’s problems, but only a tool to be used to achieve equality. That day in July the ADA was born, like a seed it would take time and need nurturing to grow. I believe the Disabled Community needs to keep a vigil watch and see to it that the ADA doesn’t crumble but strengthens over time. The ADA wasn’t given as a gift to the Disabled Community, people fought hard for it. It was the result of long and arduous struggle by people with disabilities who organized across the nation. People with disabilities have a responsibility protect the ADA.

I believe everybody with a disability should become knowledgeable about the ADA. My local Independent Living Center has workshops regularly to teach people about the ADA. The workshops are open to all the community, not just people with disabilities. The first thing that goes through my mind when I face a barrier having to do with my disability is, I wonder what the ADA has to say about this? Sometimes I know how my problems pertain to the ADA, but sometimes I ask others because I’m not an expert. The ADA is the most powerful tool when advocating, so it’s important to know it well. In my opinion the ADA is not nearly as strong as it should be. Also, I feel because there are constant changes to it the Disabled Community needs to be better aware. News of changes trickle far too slowly out into the Disabled Community. This is a problem. The ADA needs to be watched very closely by whom it is attended to help. I hope the Disabled Community unities to create a faster more efficient way of spreading news regarding the ever-changing ADA.

The justice system I’m told is clogged with cases involving the ADA. In my opinion, few lawyers want to take on ADA cases because there’s little money to be made. The ADA regulations are not black and white. I feel there’s too much gray area in the ADA. This leads people to make decisions as they see fit. When this happens, people will claim to have followed the ADA. In some instances the ADA is followed, but problems still arise because the ADA isn’t as strong is it should be. It makes me angry to see these gray areas and loopholes abused. Rather then librating the Disabled Community, the holes in the ADA hinders progress. Society will use this weakness in the ADA to twist the law to their own benefit rather than help people with disabilities.

New construction today is supposed to include access for people with disabilities. There are guidelines to follow to allow for access, so one would assume worries for people with disabilities would be over. Sadly, they are not. Even with these new guidelines things are not perfect. Often faults go unnoticed until construction is done and it’s not until an actual person with a disability is on site that problems with access surface. As I said before, the ADA is not perfect, there is much to be improved upon. Then there’s an issue of access to older buildings. The owners may claim the building falls under a Grandfather Clause as a quick way to skirt the cost to make a building accessible to people with disabilities. But a Grandfather Clause does not exist in the ADA.

I encourage people with disabilities to get out of their homes to see and be seen by the able-bodied population. As I’ve stated before, there’s power in numbers and the group of people with disabilities is over 50 million. I feel people would become more aware of how large the Disabled Community is if people with disabilities would get out of their homes and into their community more frequently. However, some people with disabilities stay home because there’s little or no access. I believe if more of the Disabled Community were seen in public, the demand for access would become more obvious and the needs for improvement would be more apparent. It’s a type of chicken or the egg situation. What is causing the seclusion of people with disabilities?

Just as there are problems with the ADA, there are problems with services and programs people with disabilities depend on. There have been many attempts to reform and improve these programs over the years. These programs and services are meant to help, but actually leave minority groups in a state of perpetual need.

To read the rest, please visit: http://www.ivykennedy.com/letters/paper.htm